Boy Culture

Naturally its the hardest time of year for me.  Always has been, and perhaps always maybe.  I find myself clinging desperately to some childish hope that maybe things will change.  That I'll finally find what I've been searching for for the last nearly 33 years.  I've searched everywhere and nowhere.  All that I seem to cross my path are dead ends of being someone's unspoken backup plan, the rebound, the one that fixes things for the next one to come along.  Will it ever get better?