Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sliding to a new season

As I posted on my main blog a door has closed.  I had hope for my relationship with Jerremy even though it was a fools hope.  I had convinced myself pretty well that once he was over his depressive funk and feeling better about life that somehow we could hit the reset button and try again with him actually trying this time.  I was pretty sure it would work.  But I guess that was not to be.

In the last couple of weeks he has gone in to a relationship with someone from his Toronto days.  Its apparently rather serious as this is the first one causing him to change his facebook status.  No small move if you ask me.  He couldn't be bothered to tell anyone he was seeing me so this must be big.  They also intend to live together in some other state they are still negotiating.  In the mean time, because he can't stand another Seattle winter, Jerremy will be moving to Boise in November.

While as a friend I must be supportive, I felt the rest of my heart associated with that relationship desire shatter to dust.  As I usually do I tossed in one of my depressive gay movies and sobbed in to my pillow.  How sad it is when one has a better emotional relationship with their pillow than a human being.

I'm not sure what will happen with Jerremy.  His vote was to live in Salt lake City, his significant other still deciding.  I hope its just not another situation where he is taking advantage of another person while running away from resolving past conflicts.  Time, as always, will be the great equalizer of all things and it will be seen where it goes.

It's just a sad day that this particular door is now closed and nothing else appears to be opening.  (Sigh) What do I do and how much longer can I do this?  I feel like I'm starting to get too old to handle the feelings and exhaustion of rejection.  With not even a single dating prospect anymore I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore.  I just want to give up.  I suppose for now I stick to what I'm good at... music and desiring not to be single.